Are you hiding behind a mask?

Photo courtesy of Bunches and Bits {Karina} (Creative Commons)

Happy Halloween everyone! What does your costume look like?

I have to admit that Halloween is one of my least favorite holidays, mostly because I’m not good at coming up with costume ideas. But I do find it interesting because so many people hide behind their masks. Have you noticed how many timid people dress up as a superhero and become bold and brave for the day?

Could there be benefits to wearing a mask, figuratively speaking?

When I managed a bookstore, we adopted the ideas of “Be our Guest” from Disney, and focused on creating a positive “guest experience” for each of our guests (customers). There were days when that meant putting on the “mask” of the great salesperson even when I was tired or overloaded.

My friend Matt McWilliams wrote a post this week about The Happiness-Success Paradox in which he suggests that if you “proactively choose happiness,” you will be on the road to success.

So at his challenge, I have tried to “choose happiness” this week, and basically put on a “mask” of cheerfulness. I admit I’ve had mixed results.

It’s been a difficult, frustrating week for me, but I am trying to remain upbeat. One thing I am more conscious of is stopping when I find myself sinking into negative thoughts or making a negative comment. Awareness is half the battle, right?

What I have discovered is that while I can’t claim that I’m gleeful this week, I am at least more outwardly focused, and that is leading to contentment.

I have smiled at people, even in the midst of a mental rant over something that just happened. They might be struggling with greater hardships than I can imagine, and it flips a switch for me to smile at someone else – kind of turns the focus away from me long enough to reset the glare or frown I had before. See, the mask has its advantages.

I’ve made a conscious effort to write encouraging comments for friends on Facebook or in email. I know how uplifting it is when people reach out to me, so I’m returning the favor when I can.

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 2 Corinthians 1.3-4 (NLT)

There seems to be such hardship and sadness this week – from Hurricane Sandy, to illness, to disappointments, to grief. I want to be at least a small comfort to others who are going through so much, instead of dwelling on me, whether that is through a smile, a kind word, or a note that I’m thinking of and praying for them. I guess the mask helps me as much as anyone else.

So I challenge you today. What mask will you put on?

 

Categorizing when you defy categories

How do you describe yourself? Your leadership? Your skills?

It is natural to try to fit people into categories, and especially the folks you work with – they are great with numbers, or she’s an artist, or he gives terrific presentations. There are personality profiles such as the DISC profile, which will define you as dominant, influencing, steady or consistent or Meyers-Briggs, that will refine your style to things like introvert/extrovert, thinking/feeling, etc.

But do you discount or overlook a person’s other skills or talents because you have tucked them into a particular pigeon-hole?

For instance, I am a high high C on the DISC profile and an ESTJ on Meyer’s-Briggs, which means that I am highly analytical and detail oriented. I fit very neatly in that category and thrive in very structured environments creating lots of plans, lists and guidelines.

And yet, I have an artistic side with my writing and graphic design. What wildness is this? Maybe I don’t fit so neatly in that structured category after all.

Have you done that with your team members?

Don’t get me wrong – I definitely agree with working within someone’s dominant personality style, but I think it’s important to remember that they may have other qualities as well. And we shouldn’t just assume they are only what they project most often.

Here are some ways to explore your team members’ strengths and better utilize their skill sets:

• Evaluate – find out what your team members’ strength areas are and under what conditions they work best. But also look at what their secondary areas of strength and interest. Ideally, this should have been determined before you put them in their position, but at least make sure they are in a suitable work situation.
• Talk – ask what parts of their job your team members enjoy the most, and what other areas they might like to explore.
• Observe – when does your team member excel, but also, when does she light up? What really brings a smile?
• Challenge – challenge your team member to find ways to utilize their other strengths. Are there other areas of your business or organization that could benefit from even a short term project using their other strengths?

The best leaders don’t just rely on the primary strength areas of their team members, but know them well enough to develop their other areas of passion as well. Imagine how much more successful your team would be if team members contributed all of their assets. And how much happier!

How can you expand the effectiveness of your team by using all of their strengths?

 

We are not in control

Photo courtesy of Elsa Blaine (Creative Commons)

Listening to a rumbling thunderstorm this morning, I realize how little we control in life. This thought comes as I sit here missing the beauty and wonder of the storm, and instead am stressing over the fact that the rain might interfere with my run today.

I can be so dense that I have to hear a message on multiple fronts to get it, but what I’ve been hearing and reading in devotions, blogs, conversations, and sermons, is that I need to realize that God is God and I am not.

God is in control and has a plan. I need to quit thinking that I can do anything by myself, and lean on Him for my strength and guidance.

But that is so hard to do! And there are so many ways I defy His desire to lead me.

I am a planner, so I tend to plan my day and then get upset when things happen to derail me – but what God appointments am I missing?

I let myself get overwhelmed by busyness, and then end up hurrying through things I should be taking more time to read carefully or pay attention to. What messages am I not receiving?

I become so focused on my next task, that I often am not aware of those around me and don’t even see people passing me. What child of God am I overlooking?

So as I sit here knowing I don’t have it all figured out, I pray that God will quiet the voices in my head other than His, calm the urges to do it all myself, and ease my extreme distraction by all the “stuff to do.”

I want to walk with my Lord today and follow His lead. And accept that I can do nothing without Him.

How will you walk with God today?

 

Do you consider yourself a sower of seeds?

Photo courtesy of slgckgc (Creative Commons)

When I hear that expression “sower of seeds,” I think of a gardener, who grows beautiful flowers or has a prolific vegetable garden, or someone like a pastor, who plants seeds of God’s word within people each Sunday at church. I’m not sure I’d consider myself as a sower of seeds.

But after hearing the Parable of the Sower (Luke 8: 4-15) twice in the last few weeks, I’m beginning to change my thinking and also realize I need to pay attention.

In the parable, Jesus describes the farmer who spreads seeds on the path, the rocks, the thorns and the good soil. As he explains to his disciples what that means, he describes the types of people who hear the Word: for some it is quickly taken away (path); others hear it with joy but fall away quickly (rocks); still others accept the Word and it starts to take root but is choked by other cares and desires (thorns); and finally those within whom the Word sprouts and produces fruit.

Bill Hybels discussed that parable at the Global Leadership Summit, in broad terms of sowing seeds by developing programs within the church to attract more potential members. My own pastor, Chris Joiner, told the parable to the 6th graders in our Confirmation Class, in terms of their own faith journey. He told how we might be all 4 kinds of soil throughout the day, and if we produce fruit, then we have seeds within us to sow in others.

As I ponder these ideas more, I see many applications in my own life:
• In terms of my work at a nonprofit, encouraging our volunteers to see our clients where they are as they seek physical assistance, but also planting seeds of faith by praying with them and boosting their spirits.I also must be looking to recognize those God-appointments as they happen.
• In working with my 6th grade Covenant Partner in the Confirmation Class, guiding her and watering those seeds of faith through our journey to confirmation next year. I fully believe I will learn as much as she does.
• In my own faith journey, seeking instruction so that I am open to learning and sharing, whether that is through my quiet time in the mornings, formal worship on Sundays, or in conversation with others, online and in person throughout the week.
• With my writing, sharing openly my struggles and triumphs to hopefully encourage others and plant some seeds of hope.

We all have the potential to be the sower as well as the ground. I believe our humility allows us to be ready in those situations whether we are the seed or the soil. Keep your eyes open for opportunities!

How are you cultivating your heart and mind so you can produce more fruit?

 

Bloom where you are planted

Photo courtesy of Tom Hilton (Creative Commons)

Are you so focused on the “next stage” of your life that you are forgetting to LIVE in today? Thoughts such as, “if I can just get through graduation,” “once I finish this project,” or “when this health issue is resolved,” shouldn’t be the excuse not to focus on this moment.

Denial can be a natural response to difficult circumstances. We want some confidence that things will get better and easier, and it’s less painful to dream about those future days than focus on the misery we’re in today.

What we are going through should not be overlooked, since it can be the catalyst to becoming stronger, smarter, more experienced or more grateful.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.    Romans 5:3

What are some ways to make the most of your “now,” while working toward your “new”?

• Acknowledge the difficulty: It’s ok to admit that you are stressed, but embrace the struggle rather than deny it, and look for the positive points. Who have you met that you otherwise would not have? What strengths within yourself have come out that you weren’t aware of?
• Create celebration points: Designate some small landmarks or goals and celebrate when you reach them. It could be as simple as getting a latte when you have gotten your next chapter written, or have a movie night with your family or friends when the current class or round of treatment is completed.
• Engage: Look for opportunities to engage with others going through the same difficulty. Find a study or support group, or invite others in your class to go to lunch once a week to share war stories and encourage each other.
• Reach out to others: Turn the focus outside your own struggle. Volunteer an hour or two. Go visit in a nursing home. Doing something for others can help us better appreciate our own situation.
• Be intentional about today: Look for special moments or beauty around you. Notice the sunrise. Be attentive to your spouse or child. Seek things to be grateful for right where you are today.

How can you focus on being the best you can be now, on your way to that next phase? What step will you take to “bloom” right now, right where you are?

 

What do you believe about yourself?

Photo credit: Adrian Jones, dreamstime.com

Have you seen the short film The Butterfly Circus?

Click here for a teaser. In this film, we learn that you are what you believe yourself to be, and changing your attitude about yourself can help you realize your true potential.

That really reinforces what I’ve been doing lately in Jeff Goins’ 15 Habits Challenge and Chris Brogan’s Blog Topics Master Class.

I am what I believe myself to be. I am a writer. That turns my thinking around, and helps the words flow out of me.

What other things in life could be made better by positive thinking and a better attitude? How many people feel like losers because they think that, and no one has ever said or done anything to help them choose a different viewpoint?

What would the world look like if we focused on helping others rise out of the ashes they are currently in? What if instead of judging them for being the caterpillar, we helped them through the struggles in order to grow their wings as a butterfly?

What can you say to someone today to move them toward believing in themselves?

 

How do you improve?

How do you improve?

First, it takes a commitment to improve. A decision that you want to get better and are willing to invest the time and energy necessary for the process.

For instance, if you want to become a stronger athlete, you have to train for hours on a regular schedule, adopt a healthy diet, get the right amount of rest.

A musician must practice extensively to become better, spend time doing scales and basic chords before he can begin to create melodies of his own.

And a writer? Stephen King tells us in his book On Writing, “If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot.”

He goes on to say, “If you don’t have time to read, you don’t have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that.”

So I’m reading like crazy – books on the mechanics of writing, fiction, nonfiction – you name it, I’m reading it. And I’m writing every morning – getting up early to allow at least 30-45 minutes of writing time.

One other thing I am doing to become better is to learn from a great writer. I have signed up for a 16-week course called Blog Topics: Master Class with Chris Brogan, which will take my writing skills soaring to new levels. Chris is a New York Times bestselling author and one of the top 5 bloggers in the Advertising Age Power 150.

Weekly lessons, practice exercises, video instruction and interviews with writing experts enrich the learning. There’s even homework that you are held accountable for, so you get hands on experience with the techniques and ideas you are studying.

Plus, Chris is available by email to answer questions and give critiques. How can you not become a better writer?

So that’s what I’m doing to improve – who wants to join me?

 

Have you been called?

As I prepare for a talk I was asked to give to the youth at my church about my work at a Christian nonprofit, and how I was called to be there, I’ve been pondering that process of being “called.”

Until recently, I’m not sure I would have described my being there as a calling, since it felt at the time like I just started a new job. You hear about pastors being called into ministry. People are called to serve on committees or sessions. I’ve heard people say they were called into mission work, or into their chosen profession.

What does being called sound like? What does it feel like?

I still don’t know what I want to do “when I grow up.” I am currently on my 3^rd career, each of them drastically different. But was that the plan all along?

What I have discovered in my current work is that I am using the skills and talents uncovered and developed in my two previous experiences. When I started this current job, I felt that I wanted to move to nonprofit work, and felt drawn to this particular ministry, but at that point, I would have taken pretty much any job offered me.

So did God call me? I’m becoming more and more convinced that He did. It wasn’t a voice or a dramatic moment (somehow I imagine hearing a deep, booming voice that says, “Carol, I call you to work in this ministry.”)

But now, looking back 4 years later, I do feel it was a calling. I was needed (am needed) at this ministry, to use the skills that I have, to help move it toward what God has in mind for it. Simple as that. I have also rediscovered my love of writing, since I write blogs for the website.

I see God appointments every day here, and I am learning that God’s timing is impeccable. I rest in the faith that things will happen for the right reasons and at the right time.

How has God called you? In what ways might He be calling you now?

 

Sound of Silence

I don’t know how to be still.

I recently spent several hours in a hospital sitting area, waiting on a family member (no worries, it was a simple procedure with a successful outcome).

I brought all sorts of things to do because I don’t “wait” well. As I looked around, the other people seemed so calm. Most were reading a magazine, holding a Kindle or other ereader, talking softly or just sitting.

I, on the other hand, had my laptop out, Blackberry at the ready, wifi connected, and my Kindle Fire handy. I was fidgety and had enough to keep me busy all day. Then it occurred to me, what is wrong with me?

I need to learn the art of rest. Of quiet.

I have struggled with this topic and have written previously (click here) about Sabbath. I stay busy and connected constantly –  working, checking email, Facebook, Twitter  or blogs, and planning other projects or tasks I need to get done. A “day off,” whether it’s a weekend or a vacation day, is still “planned” – jog, errands, cleaning, project, etc. etc. etc. I rarely even take rest days from running.

And in all of this activity, how can I be attentive to God?

I need to learn to be still. I need to learn to quiet my mind so that I can hear God’s whisper.

But how does one do that? How do I quiet the noise in my mind to listen to Him?

For someone wired like me, even that becomes a “project”!

In his book “The Leadership Ellipse,” Robert A. Fryling states that “The great African theologian Augustine observed that we don’t open our arms to receive from God because they are already so full with our own concerns.”

I think that can relate to our minds, as well. I find that often when I pray, I’m so busy talking and asking, that I don’t often wait and listen.

Fryling also says that “Sabbath keeping is not a panacea for all of our anxieties and discontents, but it is that tangible, weekly reminder that God is God and we are not.”

No matter how much I worry and fret over things, in the end, I really have no control because it is all God’s timing. What if instead, I nourish my spirit with quiet contemplation of scripture and the many blessings God has showered on me? Would that help me be more effective as an ambassador of Christ?

My pastor, Chris Joiner, recently wrote a blog on The Gift of Silence, in which he says:

“If the church has a place in the coming so-called “post-Christian” era, surely it will be in the cultivation of a counter-cultural wisdom, an antidote to frenetic busyness and noise. Perhaps one of the gifts we can offer this bone-tired world is the gift of silence.”

I look forward to exploring ways to seek the gift of silence, both personally and as a church family.

At last year’s Global Leadership Summit simulcast through Willow Creek Church, one of the speakers was Mama Maggie Gobran, who is the founder & CEO of Stephen’s Children Ministry in Cairo, Egypt, and a Nobel Peace Prize Nominee. This gentle, unassuming lady spoke of silence, and her words have stuck with me since.

She said:

“The secret is silence
Silence your body to listen to the words
Silence your tongue to listen to your thoughts
Silence your thoughts to listen to your heart beating
Silence your heart to listen to your spirit
Silence your spirit to listen to His spirit
In silence, you leave many but be with the One.”

Are you up for the challenge? How will you seek silence?

 

Your Smiling Face

Smile. Such a simple, but powerful expression.

A smile can change the whole dynamic in a situation.

We have a new team member at work, and she has a beautiful smile that she uses liberally. But what started me thinking about this was that she commented on my smile. I realized I’ve not been smiling enough lately.

Dave Ramsey challenges his receptionist (or Director of First Impressions) to answer all incoming calls with a smile, “Because a smile changes the shape of your vocal cords and your face. A customer can hear a smile on the phone.”

How powerful is that? You can “hear” a smile without even seeing the person?

And you’ve heard that if you smile even when you feel down, it can brighten your mood. I can attest to the validity of this one. Even if you are having really bad day, when someone asks how you are, force yourself to smile and say, “Great!”  I guarantee it will improve your attitude.

But it’s easy to forget to smile.

When we are overwhelmed or in a bad situation, we tend to focus inward. How much better would you feel if you made the small effort to focus outward a moment and bring a smile to someone else’s face?

I bet you would end up with a smile yourself. And then your situation might not seem so bad, after all.

How can we be intentional in helping someone smile, whether you are with them in person or not?

• Send a quick email to say you are thinking of them
• Give a compliment on their appearance
• Thank them for something they did
• Hug your friend who is going through a hard time, and say, “I’m praying for you.”
• Make it a point to smile at anyone you come within a few feet of today
• Smile at the person in the car beside you in traffic

How have you shared a smile today?