My Private Universe

Most of us have dreams, whether it’s something lofty or down-to-earth. And much of the time, our reality is far different from that dream.

But there may be some ways that you can bridge that gap and bring at least a touch of your dream into your world now.

As we’ve talked about setting goals in the Ready, Aim series (click here for Part 1 and Part 2), it’s important to build at least one or two goals related to your dreams.

But I guess the first question to ask is, “you have identified your dreams, haven’t you?”

I think for many of us, the reality of family, work, financial and other obligations tends to obscure our dreams or cause them to fade. We may not allow ourselves to even consider them since there are so many other urgent issues vying for our attention. It feels selfish and we tend to put our dreams in the trunk while we travel along the road of the everyday.

But what if you allowed yourself to dream just a little? Would that make a difference in your quality of life?

My friend Lily Kreitinger wrote last week about “Do You Want To Be You?” in which she asks an important question of whether she should listen to her “self-talk” which tells her to focus on her duties as wife, mom and employee and suppress those things that give her joy, like blogging, teaching, or making jewelry. But she wouldn’t be happy ignoring those things that are her dreams. Would you?

I think there’s a way to bridge that gap between the things that we HAVE to do and the things that make us SOAR. If we don’t, we lose a piece of ourselves, and we are less invested in the things that we must do.

By indulging our dream even just a little bit, it makes us more valuable to the people we love and impact every day.

For me, I have discovered that writing is my passion, so I have started getting up a little earlier in the morning to allow myself time to write every day. Makes it much easier to face the challenges of the day when I have allowed myself a little time for me.

The trick is in finding the balance. Here are some steps to take to get you started:

• Identify your dream – for some of us, we are so outwardly focused on others that we’ve lost touch with what our dreams are. Spend some time with yourself, either journaling, meditating, mind mapping or just quietly thinking about the thing or things that truly light your fire. It might be writing, painting, scrapbooking, making jewelry, singing, speaking publicly, or any number of things. Pinpoint what it is and accept that. Proclaim to yourself your new identity.
• Share it with your family or close friends. Let those who are closest to you know that this is your passion and what makes you happy. Ask them to support you in exploring your dream.
• Find a way to indulge your dream at least every once in a while. Maybe look at your schedule and set aside a couple of hours on a weekend or evening to spend time alone pursuing your dream activity. Get up a little bit early a couple days a week. Carve out a little time for yourself.
• Don’t feel guilty. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. You will be more content and less distracted if you have allowed yourself a little time.

While you may not be able to pursue your dream full-time, by allowing yourself even an hour or two each week or a couple of times a month, you are nurturing  an important part of yourself. You’ll become happier and more satisfied and your family and those close to you will see a change. It’s a win-win situation!

What is your dream, and how can you take a step toward it?

The phrase “Fill me with your spirit, Lord” popped into my head while I was running this morning, and kept repeating, almost like a mantra. At my church women’s retreat yesterday, we had the discussion that sometimes repetitive exercise, like running, can have the benefits of meditation – point made today.

As I let the experience wash over me, almost like God’s spirit was filling me and splashing out, I felt so grateful. For the beautiful fiery sunrise. For my family and friends. For my church family. For my work and my writing. For my faithful Lord.

I was almost in tears with the emotions I felt as I ran along just breathing in the spirit. Thank you Lord for all my blessings. Help me to be a blessing today.

I find that when I am not moving steadily toward a goal, but simply following the next new shiny thing, I just end up wandering in circles. Have you experienced this as well?

In part 1 of this 2-part series called “Ready, Aim,” we looked at some of the reasons you may be floundering, and in part 2 we’re going to explore ways to advance on your way to success.

Most of us have too much going on in our lives to be able to wholeheartedly pursue a big goal, but there are ways we can break that goal into smaller parts, and work toward it a little bit at a time. In fact, I have found it more useful to target smaller goals in various areas of my life so that I’m more rounded and stable.

In his book and training called EntreLeadership, author and radio personality Dave Ramsey details the idea of setting goals in different areas of your life or the “wheel of life” as outlined by Zig Ziglar. Ramsey says, “for our lives to be successful as a whole we must address each area. The spokes of goal setting are: career, financial, spiritual, physical, intellectual, family, social.”

He goes on to say that if you only focus on some of these areas, you will have, in essence, “a flat tire.”

One of the things I struggle with the most is balancing the areas of my life, so I end up spending more time on career, physical and intellectual pursuits and neglect other areas, especially family and social. Because my “big 3” areas come easier for me, that’s what I focus on and end up procrastinating on planning for the other areas. I’m learning to set more practical goals in each of the areas, with steps that are reasonable and measurable so I can see my progress.

Once you have SET your goals, the next step is to start making progress toward accomplishing them. I have found a secret though – break those goals down into manageable bites. The following steps can help make the process less overwhelming:

• Focus on one or two areas each week: don’t set yourself up for failure by trying to accomplish all of your goals at once. Take it slow and focus on one or two “spokes” at a time. Maybe this week you aim to work on physical (maybe walking for 30 minutes two days) and social (meet a friend for coffee). Ease into it.
• Determine specific next actions: if you are like me, seeing something like “Sally’s birthday” on my to-do list makes my eyes glaze over and I skip it altogether. But if I decide what the next action is to move it forward, I am more likely to make time to work on it. For instance, the first step might be to “talk to Sally to pick a date for the celebration.” That’s probably a phone call, so that’s something concrete I can work into my week. Be sure to determine next actions for each of your goals.
• Use your calendar: I don’t know about you, but I am much more likely to pay attention to items on my calendar than things on a lengthy to-do list. So make it simple and add the action step to your calendar. Sculpt time to accomplish that next step. One of my goals is to read and study one business book each month. I have limited time to read, often at night before bed, when I tend to fall asleep in the book and then have to reread the next night. Not very conducive to great study.  So I have started blocking out a couple of hours on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon to read with a reminder on my computer, so that my time does not slip away. That chime of the reminder helps me stay on track.
• Start some good habits: Try setting your alarm 15 or 30 minutes earlier in the morning, and use that extra time to exercise, or pray and study the Bible, if those are some of your goals. If you are consistent, then before long, you won’t even be tempted to hit snooze because you will find yourself feeling better because you see progress.
• Celebrate progress: When you do make significant progress on your goals, take a few minutes to rejoice in that. Share your success with your accountability partner or family. Don’t get lazy though – be happy that you are moving in the right direction and get back to work on that next step!

By taking small steps in the right direction, you will start making visible progress on a particular goal, which will spur progress on other goals. Just think what you can accomplish as you stop wandering and head on a straight path!

What small steps can you take now to get you back on track for your larger goals?

I find it scary how fast time seems to go by these days. It seems like it was just the beginning of summer, and here it is almost Thanksgiving!

With the end of the year so close, it’s time to evaluate your progress on your goals for this year, and start thinking about goals and dreams for next year. In part 1 of this 2-part series called “Ready, Aim,” we will look at some of the reasons you may be floundering, and in part 2 on Friday, explore ways to advance on your way to success.

Some of the biggest roadblocks to achieving goals include:

• Unreasonable goals. I frequently have grand ideas of what I want to accomplish, but then the nitty gritty of every day keeps me sidetracked, and suddenly that goal seems unreachable.
• Uncertainty about how to proceed. Some goals can be intimidating, and you find yourself stumbling over what the next step should be. That can lead to procrastination because it seems too difficult to figure out or deal with.
• Someone else’s goals. Be honest here, how many times have you set goals because family or friends encouraged (ok, pushed) you to – but you weren’t 100% sold on the idea yourself? It is hard to buy into a goal about which you are not passionate.
• Vague results. Goals must be clear and measurable. You’ve heard this before – don’t set a goal like “lose weight” – because how will you ever know when you have succeeded? You will be more likely to achieve success if you set a reasonable goal like “lose 10 pounds by X date.”

For me, goals help me manage my life, so my life doesn’t manage me. When I set sensible goals with realistic results, the outcome is much more satisfying.

The problem comes when I haven’t set proper goals to begin with. Then they become just another obligation to avoid, and it ends up being detrimental to my peace and contentment.

To counteract these problems, here are some down-to-earth tactics that will help you meet your goals:

• Set reasonable goals. It’s ok to dream about owning the company, but if you are just getting started, it’s probably not a realistic goal for next year. Start with achievable goals that move you in the right direction. You might strive to “take # classes to build leadership skills” or “train X team members to take on X responsibility.”
• Break the goal down into steps. You aren’t going to reach your goal in one leap, so don’t set yourself up for failure by stating it that way. Spend some time planning what action steps it will take to reach that lofty goal. If your goal is to run a 10K in 6 months, but you haven’t exercised in years, the first step would be to walk a mile 3 times a week. Then plan to walk a longer distance more often. Then add running.
• Set goals for you. Decide what you need to accomplish for you and set goals around that. Don’t be influenced by others here – you have to be passionate about what you want to achieve or you will not make progress.
• State what “wildly successful” looks like. How will you know when you’ve reached your goal if you haven’t stated what finished is?
• Share your goal. That’s right – don’t keep it to yourself. State it out loud to someone you trust and who can encourage you. Even better, challenge a friend or family member to help hold you accountable by asking about your progress periodically.

Goals are worthless if you aren’t making progress toward them, and determining the barriers is only part of the challenge. In part 2 of the series “Ready, Aim,” we will explore the process of setting up better goals to help you reach your dreams.

What excuses are keeping you from accomplishing your goals?

Photo courtesy of Sean MacEntee (Creative Commons)

Yesterday morning I was driving to church and looked down to check my speed. The speedometer said 61 – but it felt like I was going my normal 40 along that street. My heart stopped – I took my foot off the gas.

It made me feel totally disoriented, and I almost pulled over because I didn’t even know how fast to go anymore. Then I finally drew myself together enough to realize that the speedometer was set for kilometers rather than miles per hour – so I had evidently pushed something I shouldn’t have when I set the clock back for daylight savings time.

Crisis averted. Deep breath.

What I realized is that I didn’t react very well when I was bewildered. Instead of thinking clearly, I froze up. That was not something I was prepared to encounter, and I did not have a game plan. That was not a comfortable place to be.

This experience made me wonder is how I would react in a true crisis situation. Would I freeze like I did, or would I be able to calmly discover a solution?

One of my strengths is strategic planning and thinking through the steps or solutions to a problem to arrive at a successful solution. But my strength would be my downfall in a crisis because I need time to deliberate and plan that solution.

How will I learn from this experience? By deliberately putting myself in situations where I am not completely in control so I can get better at reacting more spontaneously. Not that I will seek out a crisis to practice on, but I will more attune to situations that are not in my comfort zone.

Believe it or not, one way I do that is by commenting on other blogs and entering online conversations around writing and leadership. It helps me improve my thinking on my feet (or at my fingertips), and causes me to react quickly and not take a lot of time to formulate a response. I need more of that practice in other venues as well.

How have you learned from situations when you reacted inappropriately?

When I decided to participate in Chris Brogan’s three-word challenge last December, I had no idea of the impact it would have on my life. I chose my three words, CONNECT, TRAIN, ENJOY, as areas of my life that I felt needed some improvement, but underestimated the power of focus that I’ve rarely experienced with other kinds of goal-setting.

The idea of choosing three words is that while resolutions are usually forgotten by the end of January, your three words become the lens through which you view your activities and focus throughout the whole year. For me, it has been like a touchstone that keeps me grounded as I plan and schedule and make decisions.

For instance, I have been very intentional about connecting with people with similar interests and activities, and in addition to new connections through my work and church, I am now part of several online communities which provide great support and encouragement in not just leadership and writing, but in spiritual matters as well.

With a focus on training to improve my writing skills, I am participating in Chris Brogan’s Blog Topics Master Class, which has stretched and challenged me for several months, and helped me expand my skills and comfort zone. Plus, the benefits of this learning will continue as classmates and I pursue some ongoing projects.

Learning to enjoy has been my biggest challenge of the three words. I’m not sure what I envisioned when I chose the word – certainly not long vacations or pricey excursions.

What I have discovered is that I’m more aware of what brings me joy and I seek opportunities to experience it. My time spent writing and running each morning, curling up with a good book with one of my cats in my lap, or a conversation with family or a friend. These are joyful times within the grind of the every day, and I’m much more in tune so I can take advantage of those moments.

As I consider my three words for 2013, I have been much more cognizant of the power of this kind of focus. In looking back at my success for 2012, I am amazed at the power of three little words. It is very important to choose the right ones.

What will your three words be for 2013?