Are you hiding behind a mask?

Photo courtesy of Bunches and Bits {Karina} (Creative Commons)

Happy Halloween everyone! What does your costume look like?

I have to admit that Halloween is one of my least favorite holidays, mostly because I’m not good at coming up with costume ideas. But I do find it interesting because so many people hide behind their masks. Have you noticed how many timid people dress up as a superhero and become bold and brave for the day?

Could there be benefits to wearing a mask, figuratively speaking?

When I managed a bookstore, we adopted the ideas of “Be our Guest” from Disney, and focused on creating a positive “guest experience” for each of our guests (customers). There were days when that meant putting on the “mask” of the great salesperson even when I was tired or overloaded.

My friend Matt McWilliams wrote a post this week about The Happiness-Success Paradox in which he suggests that if you “proactively choose happiness,” you will be on the road to success.

So at his challenge, I have tried to “choose happiness” this week, and basically put on a “mask” of cheerfulness. I admit I’ve had mixed results.

It’s been a difficult, frustrating week for me, but I am trying to remain upbeat. One thing I am more conscious of is stopping when I find myself sinking into negative thoughts or making a negative comment. Awareness is half the battle, right?

What I have discovered is that while I can’t claim that I’m gleeful this week, I am at least more outwardly focused, and that is leading to contentment.

I have smiled at people, even in the midst of a mental rant over something that just happened. They might be struggling with greater hardships than I can imagine, and it flips a switch for me to smile at someone else – kind of turns the focus away from me long enough to reset the glare or frown I had before. See, the mask has its advantages.

I’ve made a conscious effort to write encouraging comments for friends on Facebook or in email. I know how uplifting it is when people reach out to me, so I’m returning the favor when I can.

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 2 Corinthians 1.3-4 (NLT)

There seems to be such hardship and sadness this week – from Hurricane Sandy, to illness, to disappointments, to grief. I want to be at least a small comfort to others who are going through so much, instead of dwelling on me, whether that is through a smile, a kind word, or a note that I’m thinking of and praying for them. I guess the mask helps me as much as anyone else.

So I challenge you today. What mask will you put on?

 

Are you misjudging my intentions?

Photo courtesy of Doug Hay (Creative Commons)

It’s so easy to misinterpret others’ actions and intentions.

Unfortunately, we usually read negativity into those intentions, rather than staying positive.

Earlier this summer at about the same time every day, a robin flew to the top of a light pole just outside my porch. He would puff out his chest and look around like he was saying, “hey world, look at me!”

Then he would hop down and find a worm and go back to that light pole – proud and cocky with the worm hanging out of his beak, saying “Look how great I am, I got a big fat worm!”

I imagined that he was showing off for all the other birds.

Then one day, I noticed a baby robin below the light pole, and he (well, maybe she) feeding that worm to the baby. So now, maybe the conversation should have been, “I’m checking to make sure it’s safe before I take this big fat worm to my baby.”

How many times do we wrongly assume things about others’ intentions and cause unnecessary conflict?

Have you thought (or even said), “Sally did that on purpose just to annoy me,” when Sally had no idea you would even be affected by her actions? Or “Joe walked right past without acknowledging me,” when Joe was focused on something else and didn’t see you. Or maybe he didn’t have his glasses on. And yet you reacted angrily.

What if we focus on consistently assuming the best in people and reacting in a positive way?

Victim thinking such as “she hates me so that’s why she did that,” or “he’s a jerk because he did that to me” gets us nowhere. We can confront that person, or react negatively, or we can just let it go and stay above the fray.

How different your world would look if you thought the best of your team. Or your customers or clients. Or your family. It might it have a compounding effect on subsequent reactions to them.

In the case of that robin, I saw arrogance instead of caring. When have I made that same mistake with my team members?

How can you avoid misjudging peoples’ motives? How could that improve your interactions today?

 

Is appreciation a forgotten art?

Photo courtesy of woodleywonderworks (Creative Commons)

It is very satisfying when someone notices the work you did and thanks you for doing it, isn’t it?

Makes me realize how many times I neglect to give feedback to my team and how that makes them feel like I’m not paying attention.

In his book EntreLeadership, Dave Ramsey suggests that you “recognize people in writing” by doing handwritten thank you notes. You know how much more it means to you when someone takes the time to write a note to you, especially for something unexpected. And to do it in writing, not just an email dashed off or a verbal thanks as you pass in the hallway.

If you are a leader, a side benefit with your team is that when you recognize and reward the good behavior of your team, they will most likely repeat it.

A few weeks ago, I gave this idea a try, and wrote several thank you notes to people I work with, and saw amazing results! One volunteer told me she had tears as she read my note (it was just a few lines telling her what a difference she makes and thanking her for her service.) I noticed another co-worker had posted her note on the bulletin board over her desk.

It was a tangible and lasting way to show my appreciation for the people who make a difference in my life. By writing a note, I let people know that the work they were doing was meaningful and significant. So why didn’t I keep that up?

There are the usual excuses:

• I got busy.
• Deadlines crowded in.
• A day off put me behind.
• There’s not time in the day to get everything done.
• It fell from the top of my to do list.

A note takes a couple of minutes to write, less time than getting another cup of coffee, really. So why do I not do it consistently?

I can’t answer that suitably. So this week, I will remedy that situation. I am stating this publicly so that I have accountability:

• I will notice the people I work with and pay attention to the good work they are doing.
• I will write at least 3 notes a week to thank people around me for what they do.
• I will continue to notice and not just do this for a week or two.

There’s my pledge. What about you?

How will you show your appreciation to the people you work with?

 

Do you consider yourself a sower of seeds?

Photo courtesy of slgckgc (Creative Commons)

When I hear that expression “sower of seeds,” I think of a gardener, who grows beautiful flowers or has a prolific vegetable garden, or someone like a pastor, who plants seeds of God’s word within people each Sunday at church. I’m not sure I’d consider myself as a sower of seeds.

But after hearing the Parable of the Sower (Luke 8: 4-15) twice in the last few weeks, I’m beginning to change my thinking and also realize I need to pay attention.

In the parable, Jesus describes the farmer who spreads seeds on the path, the rocks, the thorns and the good soil. As he explains to his disciples what that means, he describes the types of people who hear the Word: for some it is quickly taken away (path); others hear it with joy but fall away quickly (rocks); still others accept the Word and it starts to take root but is choked by other cares and desires (thorns); and finally those within whom the Word sprouts and produces fruit.

Bill Hybels discussed that parable at the Global Leadership Summit, in broad terms of sowing seeds by developing programs within the church to attract more potential members. My own pastor, Chris Joiner, told the parable to the 6th graders in our Confirmation Class, in terms of their own faith journey. He told how we might be all 4 kinds of soil throughout the day, and if we produce fruit, then we have seeds within us to sow in others.

As I ponder these ideas more, I see many applications in my own life:
• In terms of my work at a nonprofit, encouraging our volunteers to see our clients where they are as they seek physical assistance, but also planting seeds of faith by praying with them and boosting their spirits.I also must be looking to recognize those God-appointments as they happen.
• In working with my 6th grade Covenant Partner in the Confirmation Class, guiding her and watering those seeds of faith through our journey to confirmation next year. I fully believe I will learn as much as she does.
• In my own faith journey, seeking instruction so that I am open to learning and sharing, whether that is through my quiet time in the mornings, formal worship on Sundays, or in conversation with others, online and in person throughout the week.
• With my writing, sharing openly my struggles and triumphs to hopefully encourage others and plant some seeds of hope.

We all have the potential to be the sower as well as the ground. I believe our humility allows us to be ready in those situations whether we are the seed or the soil. Keep your eyes open for opportunities!

How are you cultivating your heart and mind so you can produce more fruit?

 

Bloom where you are planted

Photo courtesy of Tom Hilton (Creative Commons)

Are you so focused on the “next stage” of your life that you are forgetting to LIVE in today? Thoughts such as, “if I can just get through graduation,” “once I finish this project,” or “when this health issue is resolved,” shouldn’t be the excuse not to focus on this moment.

Denial can be a natural response to difficult circumstances. We want some confidence that things will get better and easier, and it’s less painful to dream about those future days than focus on the misery we’re in today.

What we are going through should not be overlooked, since it can be the catalyst to becoming stronger, smarter, more experienced or more grateful.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.    Romans 5:3

What are some ways to make the most of your “now,” while working toward your “new”?

• Acknowledge the difficulty: It’s ok to admit that you are stressed, but embrace the struggle rather than deny it, and look for the positive points. Who have you met that you otherwise would not have? What strengths within yourself have come out that you weren’t aware of?
• Create celebration points: Designate some small landmarks or goals and celebrate when you reach them. It could be as simple as getting a latte when you have gotten your next chapter written, or have a movie night with your family or friends when the current class or round of treatment is completed.
• Engage: Look for opportunities to engage with others going through the same difficulty. Find a study or support group, or invite others in your class to go to lunch once a week to share war stories and encourage each other.
• Reach out to others: Turn the focus outside your own struggle. Volunteer an hour or two. Go visit in a nursing home. Doing something for others can help us better appreciate our own situation.
• Be intentional about today: Look for special moments or beauty around you. Notice the sunrise. Be attentive to your spouse or child. Seek things to be grateful for right where you are today.

How can you focus on being the best you can be now, on your way to that next phase? What step will you take to “bloom” right now, right where you are?

 

Your life could change in an instant

Photo from Williamson Herald

Yesterday when I was running, I came across the aftermath of a horrible wreck, in which three people were critically injured when their car was rear-ended by a tractor trailer truck. The little car was crushed, and there appeared to be no damage to the truck at all.

I can’t get the image of that crumpled little car out of my head. Today when I ran by the spot, I could still see skid marks and mark where the car had come to rest.

This has made me start thinking about how quickly life can change – and how unprepared I would be if I were in that situation. I’m always looking toward the future – what I need to do, to read, to accomplish down the line. I’ve said here before how I tend to get my head down working, and lose track of what is happening around me and who I am missing.

I realize this is nothing new, but I know I need reminders often. And don’t get me wrong, plans are great, but I need to be more intentional about today.

So let me ask you what I’m asking myself. What would you regret that you didn’t get done? Who do you need to appreciate today?

 

Lessons from ironing

Photo courtesy bcmom (Creative Commons)

I have to admit I truly hate ironing. It’s probably my least favorite chore, and I tend to leave it for Sunday afternoons, when I pretty much have to iron to have clothes for the work week.

So today after church, I set up the ironing board and got to work, mumbling under my breath about how I hate ironing. Then it occurred to me that if I thought about it, there might be a leadership lesson in the activity – something like Chris LoCurto finding leadership lessons at restaurants or on the racetrack.

Delegation? Not really, no one to delegate it to. Time management? I do tend to put it off until there are no clothes left to wear. But nothing seemed quite right.

I just let my mind wander.

Then I realized the key. Contemplative time.

Once I quit telling myself how much I hated what I was doing, it was a great opportunity to let my mind unhook. No agenda, no distractions, no plan. Just me and my thoughts.

I am not often still. I am amazed at people who meditate. I always have lists, deadlines, projects, email, social media, reading, writing. There’s always something to work on, and when I’m not working, I’m figuring out what is next on the list to be accomplished. My mind is always active and ideas tend to get muddled.

But today was different. It was quiet, with no TV, music, or electronics so my mind could drift. I thought about this blog. I mulled over the sermon from church this morning. For once in a long time, the “noise” of obligations quieted.

It was refreshing.

Yes, you read that right – ironing was refreshing. Amazing.

I realize I need to seek more opportunities like that to allow for contemplation. Maybe while doing the dishes. While running, certainly.

And I need to be proactive about it – seek time after church, or after a leadership conference, or a powerful podcast to allow time to process what I’ve heard.

So my question for you is this, do you allow yourself contemplative time? If so, how much more effective does it make you as a leader, spouse, parent, or co-worker?

 

What do you believe about yourself?

Photo credit: Adrian Jones, dreamstime.com

Have you seen the short film The Butterfly Circus?

Click here for a teaser. In this film, we learn that you are what you believe yourself to be, and changing your attitude about yourself can help you realize your true potential.

That really reinforces what I’ve been doing lately in Jeff Goins’ 15 Habits Challenge and Chris Brogan’s Blog Topics Master Class.

I am what I believe myself to be. I am a writer. That turns my thinking around, and helps the words flow out of me.

What other things in life could be made better by positive thinking and a better attitude? How many people feel like losers because they think that, and no one has ever said or done anything to help them choose a different viewpoint?

What would the world look like if we focused on helping others rise out of the ashes they are currently in? What if instead of judging them for being the caterpillar, we helped them through the struggles in order to grow their wings as a butterfly?

What can you say to someone today to move them toward believing in themselves?

 

Fall Afresh

What do you do when you get bogged down? You know that feeling – when you feel physically sluggish, mentally numb, and emotionally strung out. Depleted.

It happens to me usually in the summer when the heat is relentless (like lately when we just keep breaking records) and it just seems to wear me down. It can also happen when I get overloaded with too much work, too many projects and too many obligations.

Do you let yourself sink into the “glass mostly empty” mode?

“I have calmed and quieted my soul.” Psalm 131:2

Here are some ways to refresh your spirit, and improve your outlook:

Be grateful: Look for one thing you are grateful for – usually that one thing leads to other things you’re thankful for. Then before you know it, you realize you are truly blessed.

Be gracious: Smile. Greet people by looking them in the eye. When they ask how you are, say “Great!” Snarling at people only makes you both feel worse. Even if you have to force yourself to smile, you will automatically feel a little better.

Be gentle: Give yourself a break. Take some time for yourself, whether that’s reading, writing, watching a movie or spending quiet time with family or friends. We all need to rest and recuperate occasionally.

Be generous: Volunteer. Do something nice for someone unexpectedly. Giving of yourself helps you refocus outside yourself.

Be grounded: Remind yourself of your faith, core values and principles. Pray, read scripture and reconnect spiritually.

What are some ways you refuel your heart, mind and body?

 

Weeds or flowers?

I consider myself a positive person. I look the bright side of things, and tend to say “it could be worse…”

I do have times of deep disappointment, when it is easy to let negativity build up. Those are the times that self-doubt and insecurity creep in, or I start having one of those “if it can go wrong, it will” kind of days.

I ran across an interesting quote this weekend that I can’t get out of my mind.

“Your mind is like a garden: if you do not deliberately cultivate flowers, weeds will grow automatically without any effort on your part. If you do not deliberately plant and cultivate positive thoughts, negative thoughts will grow in their place. This simple metaphor about the garden explains why so many people are unhappy and don’t know why.”

That’s from a book called Kiss that Frog: 12 Great Ways to Turn Negatives into Positives in Your Life and Work by Brian Tracy and Christina Tracy Stein.

What an incredible illustration. Deliberately plant and cultivate positive thoughts. Be intentional. I keep bumping up against that word lately.

I have two friends who are suffering unbelievable health issues, and yet, I am uplifted when I am with them. I leave smiling and feeling hopeful because their positive attitude is contagious.

They approach each day as a blessing, an opportunity for good things to happen. They are cultivating those flowers and there are no weeds in their gardens!

I plan to get busy planting flowers and pulling up the weeds in my garden. I want to be the catalyst for good things in the people I meet today.

What flowers will you cultivate today?